Poem #5-2012 Immortality

Immortality*


I want to care - I want people to think

I do - I really give a shit

or maybe I think I’m  supposed to care - It’s only a phantom

all that guilt-driven shame - the constant harping

heaped on me - dosed in good measure

by a well-meaning but fascist parent - applied with “love”

comes to fruition - leaving welts

late in life - on tender skin

Too late? - “Not enough,” I scream

The “what is” and the “what should be” - unnecessarily

wage war in my crimson thoughts - But they do make it seem like

I really really don’t give a good goddamn - at times

about much of anything others think of me - yes, not even you

yet I still act like I do - understand completely

Am I in control? -  A lack of empathy

Or is it she—still? - Shrew-bitch!

And the gray elephantine weight of it all - Bearing down unmercifully

colors and smothers my every labor - crushing any effort

to write, speak, move, feel - to love!

If I could drive a stake - with abandon

through the heart of darkness - to the hilt

I would—ending it - forever

But there is immortality - with her blessings

and her name is “mother” – Amen

*This is a “cleave poem.” It can be read three different ways: left-to-right in its entirety, just the left side (in bold), or just the right side (in italics).

This poem contributed to dVersePoets Open Link Night.

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